u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
