I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
