May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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