on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The uberlube is also flammable
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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