new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Operation Purity has been aborted
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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