I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Randomize
