Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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