Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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