So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
