i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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