no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
