So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
where does the pee come out of this thing
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
