I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
