A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
