you mean i was at the winter classic?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
