theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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