Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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