Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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