It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
