would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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