Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Pooping to opera.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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