Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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