I could make wine with my vomit
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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