just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
