Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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