you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Two words: blizzard sex
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Randomize
