My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
