brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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