But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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