she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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