I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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