WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
