What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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