Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
