Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
two words...techno handjob
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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