he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
