I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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