I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
