Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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