just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
