My hair reeks of homosexuality.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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