Why are handjobs necessary in class?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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