I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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