I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
