you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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