I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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