ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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