Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
