We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
