i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
