I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
How external is "for external use only"?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
