I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
